Heartbroken: Hellbent/Prayer for the Lonely

by admin on August 12, 2013


Hellbent/Prayer for the Lonely

Sharp as an open wound packed with salt, the memory of you still surfaces despite my best efforts to not think of you. This is insane. I have forgotten the names of my best friends in junior high, the addresses of the numerous places I have lived in over the years, the names of the pets I have owned but somehow you stay in the forefront of my thoughts. How is that even possible? Without a doubt you occupy more space in my head than any other thought, making all others trivial in comparison. I find myself thinking of you in every face I see, every song I hear, every sound created carries your name in it. I’d rather be with you than with any other person on this earth. Alas, this last wish is but a dream, never to be recognized in reality.

I work more, as not to think of you, as if working more and sleeping less could destroy the image of you, the thought of you. I pick up extra shifts, working myself to the point of exhaustion. With sore limbs and heavy eyes, I work, too busy at times to conjure you up but inevitably, without fail, you appear in all your glory, making my efforts to forget you futile. There is not enough money or materialistic things in this life that would equal the value of a lifetime with you. No dollar amount can be placed on the time I long for with you; it’s priceless. Although my pockets may be lined, my house in order, my heart is not aligned, making work exactly what it is: work. I have become a drone; I do what is asked of me, I keep quiet and keep my head down, never faltering in my duties while the pain of missing you eats away slowly at my heart, one hour at a time. Unafraid of the consequences, not worried about the end result, I push on relentlessly, going through the motions of life yet not living it

I surround myself with materialistic things, as if they will ever fill the void of you not being in my life. Electronics ranging from flat screen televisions, IPods, headphones, Bluetooth, computers and an endless tangle of wires run throughout my life; jacking me into the media/social pool, hoping to eliminate my desire I have towards you, but they fail miserably. The more I become aware of other’s love lives, the stronger my wanting of you becomes. I envision us together with our own set of pictures posted on-line for the world to see. I see us in electric dreams and Wi-Fi fantasies, always together, inseparable. I long for the day where electric dreams become my all too real reality.

So what is the answer to the question of you? How can I live more? What shall I do? Please God, hear my prayer, my prayer to forget the heart that I once owned. In your name, I trust.

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