Random Thoughts on 54th Street and 3rd Avenue East

by admin on April 23, 2011

Random Thoughts on 54th Street and 3rd Avenue East

As I down yet another vente Frappuccino with an extra shot of espresso at the local Starbuck’s extremely close to where I work, I find myself at a crossroads in my life. Yes, I have a great job and yes, I have a great apartment and I am just coming to the point where I can actually start to put some money away (I’ll get back to you on that one), but something still seems to be missing. I wish I could say that it’s just me being paranoid, but no. Something is totally missing from my life, something I cannot put my finger on. In hindsight, I guess I have always felt less than whole, not remotely close to being complete. Some might think that I need a girlfriend or Jesus (the latter sometimes coming out jokingly from their mouths), but I’ve had both of those things and I STILL feel less than whole. It’s a God-awful predicament to find ones self in.
Maybe I’ll find myself a hobby. There are quite a few things that I have interests in such as computers, movies, and a whole variety of subjects of study but every time I get an idea to indulge in one of these things, my drive suddenly goes out of the window at the last minute, cancelling out any initiative I may have had. I wonder why that is? Also, I find myself suddenly becoming extremely tired and outright sleepy once I do start these would-be hobbies, further putting off my desire to carry on. Why does this occur? As if my mental and physical being is working against my future happiness. This worries me to no end. Maybe a pill or some counseling can get down to the root of the problem. For my sake, something has to give.
I have already stopped fighting God and have already given myself wholly to Him. It’s just easier for me to pray and do right than to keep continually fucking up. There was a time (many years in fact) that I thought God to be a myth; something or someone heard of but having never personally seen handiwork, I chose not to believe. I was stupid. Once I realized that there are miracles all around me (babies, my body, and trees), I stopped looking for The Hudson to part or a bush in Central Park to catch flames and suddenly start talking. Once He entered my life, EVERYTHING has fallen into place. Maybe not in the time that I wanted it to, but definitely all my wants and needs have been met and then some. This is not a coincidence. I’ll continue my praying, asking for his blessings and health and wellness for all.
I have an awesome apartment. It may be only a studio, but it is my studio complete with everything I need to successfully navigate through life in The Big Apple. A bathroom, a very tiny kitchen, a small area for my desk, chair, printers and bookshelf for all my writing/office needs, and of course my bedroom. How is all of that possible to fit into a studio apartment you ask? Easily. I believe my place may have been a master bedroom of the brownstone it occupies, one of two on the floor I share with another tenant. The entire house is broken into eight studio apartments and although I haven’t seen the other units, I know from my landlord that mine is one of the bigger units here. Plus I’m on the top floor (two in all, not including the two basement apartments) and the entire building is peacefully quiet, even on weekends so there is no problem or issue with my living arrangement. My lease is up this coming August and there is a strong probability that I will renew my lease, moving not being in my top ten things to do in the sweltering summer heat.
After being either fired or quitting a number of unsatisfying places of employment, I have finally landed a somewhat prestigious position with a restaurant group that is a New York staple and regarded somewhat highly nationally. The management and staff seem to have taken to me quickly which is always a good thing, and I am genuinely interested in the cuisine and history behind the establishment. The pay is ridiculous. I get compensated for describing food and drink that someone else cooks and pours. I don’t even serve the people I wait on. Sometimes, very infrequently, I have small pangs of guilt but once I receive my weekly checks for all of my gratuities from the week before, they quickly evaporate being replaced by a smile of satisfaction and gratitude. Let’s see how long my tenure lasts here. Praying, hopefully long.
If I had a complaint, it would be that of the weather here in NYC. I was told upon arriving here that the winters aren’t as bad as everyone makes them out to be, so with a great many people telling me this, I went into winter open-minded, sure that a month or two of bad weather and snow will quickly blow over into an early Spring and some mid 60 to early 70 degree days come the beginning of April.
Today is April 23rd.
Today’s forecast: butt-ass, freezing cold rain with the temperature in the high 40’s.
So much for my fellow New Yorker’s weather predictions. Fuckers.
Generally, I am pleased with what is soon to be my one year anniversary of living alone in NYC. The bumps, the roadblocks and the weather haven’t deterred me yet from what I consider to be a somewhat normal life. Now if only I can find my place in the world…
To be continued…

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